“Holding Back the Tears” was written by Yuchun about 7 years ago. He wrote the lyrics and the music was composed by 2 Danish composers. I love this song and I wanted to fully understand it because Yuchun’s songs are an expression of himself. So I sought the help of a Korean friend and I have translated it here to share with everyone. (Beware: there are some very wrong translations out there.)

Translation:
An image that is faded to white
and my scent that seems erased
are hidden in a dazzling cloud.

My heart that has no words
I try to slowly move on
But time that passes by
is being put back in my hands.

I’m holding back the tears
So that it is not heavy, I carry my heart and walk*
to a place that is not near and not far
another me stands
I am not crying.

Again I put my hands together
somewhere where I can hear
not in the memories but in the present, I go on living.

Although like a fool, always together**
that pain that I want to empty
dries up the tears flowing through my whole body.

I’m living with my tears
So that it is not heavy, I carry my heart and walk
to a place that is not near and not far
another me stands
I am not crying.

I’m holding back the tears
So that it is not light, I carry my faith and run***
to a place that is not high and not low
Again another me stands
With a small smile, I can smile…

Notes:
* The “carry” here means to carry on your shoulder or back, like how you carry a bag or a knapsack. He is carrying his heart like that to lessen its weight because his heart is feeling so heavy (with tears/sadness).

** In this first line, there is no subject; he does not say who or what is always together. So we can assume he is talking about the pain in the 2nd line. This pain is always with him, making him feel like a fool because he cannot empty it from himself. There is so much pain that the tears have all dried up.

*** The Korean word “mideum” means belief or faith. “So that it is not light” means he wants his belief or faith to have more weight so that it will stay with him and he will not lose it. He is trying to hold on to what he believes in, so that he can go on living this life. Remember his motto? Always keep the faith. There is immense sadness in this song but it ends with renewed hope and strength.

Translation: melodysky and chingu

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“Holding Back the Tears” was released in July 2006 as Dongbangshinki’s Vacation OST. That means Yuchun wrote these lyrics when he was about 19 years old or younger. Fans who know what he went through in DBSK days will know he is writing about his own feelings in this song. Watching the MV above, seeing such gorgeous pictures, do you see the dazzling cloud that hides everything?

“Music is almost another me….. I heal my wounds through music.”
These words of Yuchun are really poignant when we listen to this song and understand the lyrics. I am truly grateful for the musical talent in Yuchun, that his sensitive soul is able to draw strength from music and we get beautiful songs like Holding Back the Tears.

HOLDING BACK THE TEARS 그리고
Vacation OST (Released: July 28, 2006)
Lyrics by Park Yoochun
Music by Jan Lysdahl and Peter Malmrup

하얗게 흐려진 그림과
지워진듯한 내 향기가
눈부신 구름 속에 가려져요

아무 말 없는 내 가슴이
천천히 맘을 옮겨보고
그 사이로 스쳐간 시간만
손에 놓여져 있어요

I’m holding back the tears
무겁지 않게 나의 마음을 메고 걸어요
가깝진 않고 멀지 않은 곳에
다른 내가 서있죠
난 울지 않아요

또 다시 두 손을 모으죠
어딘가 들릴 그 곳에
추억이 아닌 지금을 난 살아가요

바보 같지만 늘 함께 있어요
비우고 싶은 그 아픔이
온몸으로 흐르는 내 눈물을 마르게 하죠

I’m living with my tears
무겁지 않게 나의 마음을 메고 걸어요
가깝진 않고 멀지 않은 곳에
다른 내가 서있죠
울지 않아요 난

I’m holding back the tears
가볍지 않게 나의 믿음을 메고 뛰어요
높지도 않고 낮지 않은 곳에
또 다른 내가 서 있죠
작은 미소로 난 웃을 수 있죠

Thank you, Yuchun, for writing this song that touches our souls.

By melodysky (who loves this song even though it makes her sad every time she listens to it)
Video credit to the maker, thank you for the gorgeous pics.
Shared by Park Yoochun Singapore Fanclub